Joke for today

G'day all
I would like to apologize if anyone, will find the following, a bit on the 'bad taste' side of humour.
But with my Ozzie's sence of humour, I couldn't resist putting this one in.
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Be careful Greg about making jokes about HM The Queen. You will find youself put on a wooden sailing ship, shackled in irons in the hold, and exiled to some remote barren land in the southern hemisphere. Oh wait you're already there ;)
Cheers Andy
 
we are all adults here bad taste for someone is not always the case for everyone for example is this off color?

a falling down drunk sailor walking along the pier stops when he sees the captain standing on the deck of his ship. The sailor yells out "hey captain where's your buccaneers?" the captain yells back" under me buccan-hat"
 
Beer in Ancient Egypt. Beer beer was generally known as "Hqt", but was also called "tnmw" Moses made a special of beer known as haAmt

researches could never figure out how Moses made this special beer until one day the answer was found in the bible.

Hebrews it.
 
As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang.
Answering, he heard his wife’s voice urgently warning him,
“Herman, I just heard on the news that there’s a car going the wrong way on the Interstate.
Please be careful!”
”Heck”,said Herman,
“It’s not just one car. It’s hundreds of them!”
 
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This is the actual transcript of a radio conversation between a British Navy ship and the Irish Coastguard, off the coast of Kerry:


Irish. Please divert your course 15 degrees to the south, to avoid collision

British. Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the north, to avoid collision

Irish. Negative. You will have to divert your course 15 degrees to the south ' to avoid collision.

British. This is the Captain of a British Navy Ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.

Irish. Negative. I say again, you will have to divert YOUR course

British. THIS IS THE LARGEST SHIP IN THE BRITISH FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY 3 DESTROYERS, 3 CRUISERS, AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT SHIPS. I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES TO THE NORTH, OR COUNTERMEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS FLOTILLA.

Irish. THIS IS A LIGHTHOUSE ....... YOUR CALL!
 
A U.S. Navy Destroyer stopped four Mexicans in a rowboat heading toward the coast of California. The Captain gets on the loud-speaker and shouts, "Ahoy, small craft. Where are you headed?" One of the Mexicans puts down his oar, stands up, and shouts, " We're invading California to reclaim the territory taken by the U.S. during the 1800's." The entire crew on the destroyer doubles over in laughter. When the Captain finally catches his breath, he gets back on the loud-speaker and asks, "Just the four of you?" The same Mexican stands up again and shouts, "No, we're the last four. The other 2.3 million are already there!"
 
Hello
I would like to tell you about my experience. I wanted to pick up my wife from the train station and was waiting on the train when a woman asked me if I could look after her suitcase. She should just go to the toilet. I'll do it, I said. After 10 minutes my wife's train came and the woman with the suitcase still hadn't come back. My wife checked the toilet...the wife was gone. Ok, so I called the police. They cleared the whole train station right away. Shit, I thought, what have I started there. After 30 minutes the bomb squad came. But I stayed close because of the witness questioning. The bomb squad was able to open the case without exploding. Now guess what was in the suitcase???
 
Hello Waldemar
That would be nice, no, there were bones in the suitcase. And now guess what ???
 
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Decorative or archaeological bones? Explosive bones? Bones for consumption, for example for soup or for the dog? Bones for carving, replacing ivory? "Healing" bones, for example from a white tiger? Bones intended for burial?
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Bones from the bear I'm untying for you right now. Ok, wasn't that funny.
 
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Yeah, OK. I know of a rather similar story that happened at the border of two countries. In the end, the traveller with the suspicious cargo and initially silly, nervous explanations to the customs or police officers, was made to pay for all the action, which involved temporarily closing the border, bringing in anti-terrorist services and bomb disposal units.
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