November 7 I’m a mess!

I enjoyed your pictures. Although I don’t know you at all, it is quite evident that you shared a life of true love and adventure. And, yes, your wife was a very beautiful lady.

You and your son have experienced a great deal of heartache, and your sadness is quite natural. I have found that grief surprises me from time to time. Mom went in 2016 to COPD. Dad is slipping away right now to dementia. He still knows who we are, but the person he was is all but gone. I miss them both terribly.

So where to go from here? My gentle suggestion would be for you and your son to plan an epic once-in-a-lifetime trip together. To whatever degree that time, health and finances allow for such an adventure, it will bring the two of you closer. You’ll have something uplifting to focus on while you forge new memories. It won’t erase your grief, but it should help bring a little light back into the life you are living.

This is what we did with Dad, last April. We took him back to his favorite place, Paris, for one last visit. The trip was supposed to happen two years prior, when it would have been much more impactful for Dad, but then COVID happened. The trip was a discovery process of his cognitive and physical limitations. At times, the experience was quite difficult and frustrating for my sister and me. There were moments, however, throughout the trip when he could turn back the clock and we’d see flashes of his old self. Considering how precipitous his decline has been, since coming home, I am grateful that we took that trip. I will hold onto those memories for the rest of my life.

Hold your family close in your heart and they will never leave you. My mother still lives there. Every day, something will remind me of her.

Take a trip. Forge a new path. Life, after all, is for living. When you feel down, come to this thread, and we’ll be here for you.
 
I have lived long enough to have experienced the kind of loss which you now, in your grief, give us the privilege of sharing with you. I dare not compare my experience with yours because mine has been mine and yours, in its' immediacy is your own, not to be alleviated by comparison. I can, at best, offer only my empathy.
"The cost of love is Grief"(Queen Elizabeth II)
I am not a religious person. I have had much experience over time with different paths. But in the end, I am left to my own devices, as, I suppose, are you in your privacy.
What I am left with worth sharing are these verses in abbreviation:
From I Corinthians 13: "If I speak in tongues of men and of Angels but have not love, I am only a resounding gong, or a clanging cymbal."
"Love is patient, love is kind. Love never fails. When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put away childish things.
Now we see but a poor reflection, as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face.
Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love".
And from chapter 15,vv. 54,55: "When the perishable has been clothed with the imperishable, and the mortal with immortality, then the saying that is written will come true: "Death has been swallowed up in victory".
"Where, oh death, is your victory?
Where, oh death, is your sting?"....

My deepest condolences,
Pete Gutterman
 
priority_aces1 said:
Thank you for all your prayers and condolences. It does make me feel better to share my story of the love I had for my wife I guess this is part of the grieving process. Thank you once again.
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I cannot thank you enough for sharing this, or adequately express my admiration for your courage and faith in the members on the forum in doing so.

Pete
 
My condolences to you and your son. Life is amazing and a little puzzling. It seems many SOS members have lost loved ones including myself. My Father and my Wife passed two months apart. It was not a good year. They say time will heal. I think by "time" they mean we keep the memories forever. I get a chuckle when I remember my Wifes' famous line to me. "Dale, you're such an idiot".

Bless you both.
 
Bless you for sharing your story. It was a tough read for me. My wife was a cancer "survivor" twice starting in the cervix. Recently, we learn the cancer has metastized into her lungs. After going through 66 total rounds of radiation and multiple chemos over 3 years, she decided enough is enough and just wants to live the remainder of her life with quality rather than going through more treatments with an unknown prognosis. Although I respect and fully support her decision, it's tough to know that some day in the not too distant future God will tell her that it is time to come home. We been together 41 years / married for 35.
Again, thank you for sharing your love story.

...henry
 
Priority,
As many have already said, thank you for sharing your most personal and privledged feelings. It appears you had a very loving wife and marriage and the memories of that will hopefully sustain you in your times of solitude.
Know that by sharing with your mates here on SOS you are still cared for, by all of us, regardless of where we are.
Keep strong and keep building and sharing.
Sending good fortune.
Chesty
 
priority_aces1 said:
Пишу это потому, что нахожусь в отчаянии и пытаюсь понять, что и почему это произошло! Моя любимая жена и вторая половинка ушла из жизни 7 ноября! . Мы были женаты 40 лет вместе и 43 года вместе! Она была ангелом милосердия, медсестрой по профессии. Мы познакомились, когда мне было 17, ей было 20, когда она училась в колледже. Мы были очень страстно влюблены! Мы путешествовали немного раньше детей. Она была прекрасной матерью двоих мальчишек! Мы потеряли ребенка, выкидыш надеялись на девочку! Ни один брак не идеален, но мы были близки к этому! У моего первенца было генетическое заболевание под названием нейрофиброматоз. За всю жизнь из-за этого ему сделали 15 операций. из-за нейрофиброматоза ему пришлось сделать три операции на одном бедре. Мы потеряли его в 2020 году в возрасте 32 лет из-за легочной эмболии. Моя жена очень тяжело переживала, что курила всю жизнь. В это время она начала очень сильно курить. От курения легкие были не в порядке, астма ХОБЛ, у нее случилась тромбоэмболия легочной артерии, после чего она подхватила Covid. как долго все было плохо, это еще и ослабило ее сердце ❤️! В июле 2023 года она снова заболела, у нее появился лишний вес, появились отеки ног, развился гнойник. Я уволился с работы, чтобы позаботиться о ней, так как в это время она была на кислороде, а оттуда все шло вниз по спирали. как долго не перестанет работать. Кислород долго не мог попасть в кровь, и в конечном итоге мозг умер из-за накопления CO2. Я ее очень любила, теперь у меня остался только один сын, он и я вместе. это как начать жизнь заново, с большой болью и душевной болью, не говоря уже обо всех юридических вещах, которые мне теперь предстоит сделать, спасибо, что выслушали. Мне просто нужно было кое-что записать. прилагаю фотографию меня и моей жены во время нашего медового месяца на Ямайке и еще одного отпуска на Гавайях. Она была красивой женщиной, прекрасным сердцем и умным умом! Я любил ее бесконечно и скучаю по ней!

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Привет! Я прочитал вашу историю. Я не мог не написать тебе. Ваше состояние кажется мне знакомым. Все время, пока вы пытались спасти любимого, вы вдыхали и задерживали дыхание. Собрались с силой. И вы пытались ей помочь. Когда ее не стало, осталась пустота... Так всегда бывает, когда умирает очень близкий человек. Разнообразные юридические глупости очень выручают в первое самое трудное время. И вообще, теперь нужно все время себя занять. Я очень сожалею о вашей утрате. Егор.

Hello! I read your story. I couldn't help but write to you. Your condition seems familiar to me. The entire time you were trying to save your loved one, you were inhaling and holding your breath. Gathered our strength. And you tried to help her. When she was gone, there was an emptiness left... This always happens when a very close person dies. Various legal nonsense are very helpful in the first, most difficult time. And in general, now you need to keep yourself busy all the time. I am very sorry for your loss. Egor.
 
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