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- Dec 3, 2022
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modeling isn’t a performance art
MY GOODNESS JIM, YOU'RE RIGHT!
Well, right in the sense that I agree with you.

I was coming around to that very idea only tonight while hacking at some bits of wood.
I’ve made models since 1965 and for the first 50 years it wasn’t a performance. I built them for myself, in my room, privately. Sometimes I’d show my friends or family what I’d made but almost all of them were politely disinterested. So the only ‘like’ that mattered was mine.
Cometh the internet, cometh the performer. Now, after 10 years on various forums, I’m an entertainer. I make models for the approval or polite disinterest or occasional honest dislike of other people, or possibly robots. People that I never meet.
The child in me is saying in every post, “Mummy, look what I’ve done. Do you like it?” It’s important to a child that mummy likes him but I’m a grown up and won’t die if I don’t receive the attention of all my surrogate mothers, my fellow modellers.
I’m an above average modeller with a good camera and a talent for writing a stirring story so I have received tens of thousands of likes in return for my tens of thousands of posts. Sometimes I’ve paid a lot of attention to my stats, the ratio of likes to posts. Since I realised that internet likes are merely a programmer’s trick to make us return to the networks over and over again I’ve disabled my alerts and try to ignore the insidious little icons.
But when I look at my threads I still fall into the trap of looking at my last post to see if anyone liked me. I stopped following my threads but I still looked at them. I still make polite thank you noises when people posted approval (for the extra likes?).
Funny thing, in the last few days I’ve realised how little real enjoyment I get from the actual modelling compared to the old days. I think that’s because as I work I’m often planning how I’ll write about it so I’m distracted and the value of my dear old hobby is diminished.
And now I’m writing this essay about it. Is there no escape? Rhetorical question folks, I actually do know where the escape hatch is.
I won’t be abandoning my modelling but I will not be able to continue with my flood of posts. Now I understand more clearly why I’m on a forum, I’ve more or less lost interest in everyone else’s builds and writing about mine just seems silly.
I’m not saying that either the hobby or the forum is silly, just that it doesn’t seem to work well for me right now. It isn’t you, it’s me.

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