The older I get the tighter companies are putting the lids on jars.
Every time I try to eat healthy, along comes Christmas, Easter, summer, Friday or Tuesday and it ruins it.
Folgers got it wrong. The best part of waking up is going to bed after you pee.
The best murder weapon would be a Tupperware lid because no one would ever find it.
Starting your day with an early morning run is a great way to make sure your day can't get any worse than it started.
One big difference between men and women is that if a woman says, "Smell this," it usually smells nice.
A million kids want to clean up the earth. A million parents want them to start with their bedrooms.
There is no such thing as a grouchy old person. The truth is once you get old you stop being polite and start being honest.
Beware of the new Amazon scam. My husband ordered me some expensive jewelry, but motorcycle parts came instead. Thankfully they fit his bike.
I may not have lost all my marbles yet, but there's a small hole in the bag somewhere.
Life's short. Make sure you spend as much time as possible on the Internet arguing with strangers about politics.
