Pugwash's peg-leg

Pushing 80. I hate when people say things like "Age is only a number." and "Only 78years young!" Words spoken by Pollyanna ninnies with no clue. They've yet to have faced their mortality eye to eye. Like when the "Who" sang " I hope I die before I get old." :eek: I wonder how they feel about it now 60+ years on.
Pug, I personally look for your posts first thing in the day.
Getting these posts at least tells me you are still here and not giving up. Please don't. We are your friends here and from what I see are all more or less your contemporaries in age and experience. We are vitally (as in we love life) and compellingly interested in your well-being.
Hearing from you gives us hope. I pray that our sincere interest and concern does the same for you!
I pray that today will be better than yesterday.
Most sincerely, Pete
 
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Peter Gutterman said:
Pushing 80. I hate when people say things like "Age is only a number." and "Only 78years young!" Words spoken by Pollyanna ninnies with no clue. They've yet to have faced their mortality eye to eye. Like when the "Who" sang " I hope I die before i get old." :eek: I wonder how they feel about it now 60+ years on.
Pug, I personally look for your posts first thing in the day.
Getting these posts at least tells me you are still here and not giving up. Please don't. We are your friends here and from what I see are all more or less your contemporaries in age and experience. We are vitally (as in we love life) and compellingly interested in your well-being.
Hearing from you gives us hope. I pray that our sincere interest and concern does the same for you!
I pray that today will be better than yesterday.
Most sincerely, Pete
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Wise words from one so young, Peter.

How eloquent your words are.
I too have pondered upon the 'Who' lyrics and agree with the point you make,
Yet that song had its context; that being the frustrations of youth in a world at odds with the associated existential angst of a mind fighting with reality and the steady loss of certainty that a mature mind accepts.

As to my present circumstances. I simply see this is a culmination of a life yet to be lived,
How I remember hearing the phrase 'That boy has an old head on young shoulders'.
Or more appropriately, 'That lad is a fighter!'

To me there is no alternative but to move on, from whatever difficulties life throws your way.
Usually a little introspection and effort eventually brings positive results.

And now I'm in an unfamiliar land, with seemingly insurmountable issues and having to ask for help at every turn.
At the moment I don't have much of an option, but to 'go with the flow'; yet if a useful branch is within reach, it seems a wise thing to do and grasp it.

Here I am, one finger typing, periodically gasping in pain, yet feeling these words connect me to something worthwhile, sharing kindness with a small (?) group of individuals who, on the face of it have a limited shared experience and finding this experience is limitless, so long as there are generous folk, prepared to share supportive companionship.

Another long winded attempt to say 'thank you' to you all,
 
Pugwash..I presume you are in the UK.. are there not services to help you at home? I would think you qualify when if and when you are (now?) home.. Again, we are all pulling for you..not having friends/ family to help adds to the challenge..I was blessed to have both during my minor issues..You have some Winston Churchill in you..it will get better.. you survived for a reason.. I was 19 days in hospital ..dirt bike accident..then my race car (1959 MGA coupe) lost a carb body as a safety wire was not reattached, car filled with 112 octane..got her stopped and ran like hell..somehow it didn't go alright.. Three years ago, while fishing in Alaska, we lost our power , nav and radio (no eperb) and were three days adrift ,,luckily we were spotted and towed in..My point is I and you are here for a purpose and I don't mean to be pompous , arrogant or assumptive.. after 76 years of living on the edge..I'm more reflective and at 60 me a lovely lady , mow my wife..three grown professional stepdaughters and five grandkids,,we do slotcars, build boats and ride dirt bikes. Who would have thought I, a self absorbed hoodlum , would end up like this..The prostate/ heart issues were God's way of humbling me and realize every day is a gift... Pug, you are still here, as painful as it is..it will get better..and know that you have many in absentia people who truly care about you albeit frustrated with geographic constraints.. I'm not a religious guy, but believe there is a plan for us.. Take care Pug John ( Manning16)
 
John, thank you for your kind words and sharing your story.

This morning I was privileged to receive the customary smug smoke and mirror doctors presence.
After listening to me (my guess is a possible injury to my pelvis) he rolled his eyes, saying he'd be back 'later'. Yep, heard that before!

Then a young man with a bag of tools came to lengthen my wheelchairs wheelbase - no more wheelies!

Home needs extensive re-development to take me and a wheelchair, I estimate that will take a year!

Had enough, just now, but thanks again, john, for your contribution to my 'party'.

EDIT
Doctor gave me a cursory examination and told me to expect a visit to 'medical imaging' for an X-Ray at least.
A small boost to my confidence; at least he's listening.
 
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Listening Doc an encouraging development. We'll take what we can. Again. I hope today is better than yesterday. And so on and forth.
 
From BAD to APPALLED.

Last night wasn't too bad, due to increased morphine dosage.
Instead of recent nights just rolling around in screaming agony, the pain was just tolerable, in that it was bad enough to keep me awake all night.

Mid day I was wheeled down for an MRI scan on my lower spine.
Being laid absolutely flat soon had me screaming in agony until I could stand it no longer and rejected the last 3 minutes of the process. It required several items of equipment to get me off the bed.
Phew, I thought the pain involved would surely reveal the source of my difficulties,
Apparently nothing indicated any further damage caused by the accident.
In a way that was superficially reassuring, yet revealed a blank sheet of paper describing the cause of my extreme pain!!!

The day continued to reveal the worst news so far.
I was paid a visit by two police officers (my first contact with them since the day of the accident 11-30-24).
I was APPALLED by their revelation that two witnesses 'confirmed' I had moved a cross the central reservation, directly into oncoming traffic!!
Something APPALLING to me on every level!!

They were clearly amazed I had my own independent witness, a person dismissed by them at the scene as a minor. Something they flatly denied.
This admission being one of a couple of other suspicious anomalies they blithely admitted.

Anyway, this effort is making me weary.

I'm now struggling with guilt, in spite of recent (police) developments.
Like,these details may undermine the faith and confidence of my 'supporters'.
Please believe me when I try to maintain what I fervently mean what I'm sharing with you.

I desperately hope you understand how much effort this process requires....way beyond what I've been used to.
 
Pugwash, Its hard to imagine the level of physical pain you are describing as I have never been to your level. When you add the mental stress of the reported details of your accident, the situation is nightmarish. I can only suggest you table the police report for now and focus on your pain management, you know one thing at a time. The revelation of your accident details by you or the report of the authorities in no way diminishes the support I have to offer. Hang in there and stay as strong as you can for as long as you can, as they say, 'this too shall eventually pass'.
 
Daniel20 said:
Pugwash, Its hard to imagine the level of physical pain you are describing as I have never been to your level. When you add the mental stress of the reported details of your accident, the situation is nightmarish. I can only suggest you table the police report for now and focus on your pain management, you know one thing at a time. The revelation of your accident details by you or the report of the authorities in no way diminishes the support I have to offer. Hang in there and stay as strong as you can for as long as you can, as they say, 'this too shall eventually pass'.
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I concur. The concept as to who is to "blame" for the accident never crossed my mind, and frankly I could give less of a s**t! Let alone the cultural habit of blaming the victim! There is a line from "Man of LA Mancha" where Sancho Panza says "If the rock hits the pitcher, or the pitcher hits the rock, it's going to be bad for the pitcher. You were on a f***ing motorcycle, my friend. Pure pitcher status. It was, after all, an ACCIDENT!
The other s**t is for the lawyers to figure out.
Your primary focus (as it is with your support group here) remains your wellbeing and recovery.
I, for one remain interested, for all of whatever modicum of relief it may bring. If it's just as a sounding board, a reason to feel cared for, whatever. So be it.
Keep posting.

Pete
 
Pete, my stalwart friend, living up to your good name. Gutterman = Good Man!

As are all the other well thinkers here on this excellent forum.

I'm puzzled why there have been no female responders; is that the nature of a ship modelling culture?

I'm also astonished at the absence of supportive interest from the only (US based) motorcycle forum I subscribe to. Again, is that a form of cultural denial of the potential 'dark side' of what most would agree to be a 'dangerous pursuit'.

Here we are, a new day, a new start!
 
Hi Pugwash. Well,, the sun is out, in London at least. I'm sorry to hear of your troubles, and if I could would at least send you a parrot and some pieces of eight. Seeing as you are in hospital and taking some serious pain medication, you are entirely at liberty to refuse interview requests until better and (probably) to refute/retract anything you said to the police when they interviewed you if you wish. They are mostly concerned with sorting it out so they can get you off their books, sadly the realities are of less interest than you might imagine.

However, your upbeat approach to this will ensure the best possible recovery. One of my friends, a Boeing engineer and a serious aeromodeller lost most of both legs trying to fit his Harley under a big rig on the Seattle freeway, ending up with a hospital bill approaching $1M, but he was never downhearted, and remarked to me a year or so afterwards that it had made him 'more of a liability, but a much nicer person and a better modeller.'
 
pugwash said:
Here's an email I've just sent to a fellow SOS member, based in South Africa, which sums up my latest update.
''You find me in a desperate state.

Coinciding with the move to isolation I am struck down with an old monster.

I think it's better than a good guess...having a high impact accident, effectively ripping off my leg, and being dumped on my bum from an unknown height at least 40mph. Followed by my 'miraculous' recovery and keenly taking on the physio regime.

Then BLAM.
I have a long history of back pain....caused by, I was told 'degeneative spinal disease' which includes 8 prolapsed discs in my lower back.
Result:- massive pain below the waist.

My recent experiences haven't done that a lot of good.
Result:- I'm in extreme agony, primarily being chased down by 2.5ml of Morphine on desperate demand every 3-4 hours, night and day.

I asked to see a doctor Friday morning, which hasn't happened yet!

I woke to pee into a bottle at 6.30, encountering severe difficulty and barely made the transfer to my wheelchair. I needed assistance from a nurse to pull up my pants.

Every movement is an ordeal, so much so, I haven't washed since Thursday.

The morphine helps but the period between doses is agony, almost as bad as I experienced at the side of the road, before being administered Ketamine.

And that's how you find me......how's that for an update?

I just want to die, several times a day.

Writing this has helped me re-focus my mind.''

Sorry guy's, that's how it is.

Love to the few who are following my journey, your company helps in so many ways. Thank you.
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Sorry for your pain! We will light a candle for you. Stay strong.
 
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Pugwash - Just reading through this thread and am truly amazed at your determination and upbeat spirits. Best wishes for a speedy recovery, long life and continued modelling experiences.
 
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