Humor - we need so much to laugh

[AllanKP69]

Excellent Graham!!! 'Tis the season

 

[AllanKP69]

 

[Francois de Saint Nazaire]

classic !

 

[Pepite 1/60]

classic !

View attachment 561918

Definitely a model child!

 

[Short John Bronze]

...and an old one-
Doctor: when did you first notice this Diarrhoea
Patient: When I took my cycle clips off

 

[Pepite 1/60]

 

[AllanKP69]

In the Christmas time spirit of giving, even for Doc Frankenstein.

 

[Pepite 1/60]

 

[AllanKP69]

 

[rtwpsom2]

You know how, when you are dreaming, the laws of reality can get suspended in your mind and you do things you wouldn't ordinarily do in your dream? And then, as you are waking up, reality starts to set in and you slowly start to realize you and your buddy may have created one of the largest man made ecological disasters in human history?

 

[RichardG]

One of my favourites..................................

 

[RichardG]

Another. Larson is great with dogs......................

 

[AllanKP69]

• Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?
• If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know?
• If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words?
• Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?
• Why does "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing?
• Why does "fat chance" and "slim chance" mean the same thing?
• Why do "tug" boats push their barges?
• Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game" when we are already there?
• Why are they called "stands" when they are made for sitting?
• Doesn't "expecting the unexpected" make the unexpected expected?
• Why are a "wise man" and a "wise guy" opposites?
• Why do "overlook" and "oversee" mean opposite things?
• Why is "phonetic" not spelled the way it sounds?

• Why is it called "after dark" when it really is "after light"?

[/td]​

 

[Pepite 1/60]

Don't show that to a 5-year-old! He/she might want answers!

 

[AllanKP69]

Don't show that to a 5-year-old! He/she might want answers!

You are sooooo correct.
Allan

 

[DomCee]

Well, if we need a few (old) jokes for the season, here's a few:

There's a new virus going around. It is called C-Nile. Even the most advanced programs from Norton or McAfee cannot take care of it so be warned. It appears to affect mostly those of us who were born before 1960.

Symptoms of C-Nile Virus:
1. Causes you to send the same e-mail twice
2. Causes you to send a blank e-mail
3. Causes you to send it to the wrong person
4. Causes you to send it back to the person who sent it to you
5. Causes you to forget to attach the attachment
6. Causes you to hit "SEND" before you've finished the....



Things that are difficult to say when you're drunk...
a) Innovative
b) Preliminary
c) Proliferation
d) Cinnamon

Things that are VERY difficult to say when you're drunk...
a) Specificity
b) British Constitution
c) Passive-aggressive disorder
d) Transubstantiate

Things that are ABSOLUTELY IMPOSSIBLE to say when you're drunk...
a) Thanks, but I don't want to come back to your place for a night cap.
b) Nope, no more booze for me.
c) Sorry, but you're not really my type.
d) No kebab for me, thank you.
e) Good evening officer, isn't it lovely out tonight?
f) I'm not interested in fighting you.
g) Oh, I just couldn't - no one wants to hear me sing.
h) Thank you, but I won't make any attempt to dance, I have no
co-ordination. I'd hate to look a fool.
i) Where is the nearest toilet? I refuse to throw up in the street.
j) I must be going home now as I have work in the morning.

SIGN LANGUAGE

 

[AllanKP69]

 

[AllanKP69]

 

[RussF]

... and why do we drive on a parkway, park on a driveway and sit still on an expressway?

 

[Pepite 1/60]