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Humor - we need so much to laugh

The admiral was vacuuming the room today, she says: “That vacuum cleaner doesn't suck anymore.”
I say: “See if the vacuum cleaner is wearing a wedding ring?” Alien

After that comment, I decided not to ask her what we were having for dinner today. I hope it's fish, because chewing is still a bit difficult. Pills
 
Bob, a 70-year-old, extremely wealthy widower, shows up at the Country Club with a breathtakingly beautiful and very sexy 25-year-old blonde-haired woman who knocks everyone's socks off with her youthful sex appeal and charm and who hangs over Bob's arm and listens intently to his every word. His buddies at the club are all aghast.
At the very first chance, they corner him and ask, 'Bob, how'd you get the trophy girlfriend?'
Bob replies, 'Girlfriend? She's my wife!'
They are knocked over, but continue to ask.'So, how'd you persuade her to marry you?'

'I lied about my age', Bob replies.
'What, did you tell her you were only 50?'
Bob smiles and says, 'No, I told her I was 90.'​
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