My World has Collapsed

How very painful... I've been married 3 times- 1st time for 10 years, 2nd time for 18- both wives left me- came from very broken/dysfunctional/alcoholic/ abusive homes growing up- so it's no wonder they didn't know how to make a marriage work.
Have been now married happily for 24 years to a wonderful woman who grew up like I did- in a loving, stable family- so just hang in there. There is life after broken relationships.
VERY PAINFUL to get through- but you WILL come through the other side!
Hang in there...
 
I agree with others here. Perhaps given some space, I hope things will return to like it was. This almost happened to me, but I realized that my wife was being influenced by another lady - since misery loves company, this lady tried to influence my wife to leave me, but I had to stop it. Friends and even family and relatives can destroy.
 
Along with the chemical crutches (and you gave no indication that you are susceptible to those) resist reactionary anger, lashing out, and resentment. I know this sounds glib. It is not meant to be. The most difficult approach at this time is to adopt a counterintuitive, stoic attitude. My hope, indeed, my most closely held desire for you at this time is that you would be able to adopt the most forgiving, loving attitude you can muster. Not just for your partner, but for yourself. Your love for her was and remains real, as must that for yourself above all. None of us are innocent or flawless, but you are not the cause of this, nor are you a failure. Bad shit happens for which there is no explanation. You are not to blame. Nor is it productive to assign blame. It is said " harboring resentment is like taking poison and expecting the other person to die". Do not reject or abandon love, for therein lies your redemption and recovery. Without it neither is possible.

Go and be blessed. Sincerely, Pete G.
 
My heart goes out to you Rob T. It's so very hard to know that when you are suddenly alone, there is out there, somewhere, another who can fill that hole in your soul. It will not be the same, it will be different, but it will mean as much if not more than the relationship which was lost. Pray, and keep the faith. Don't isolate. Explore.
 
La vida a veces te maltrata, pero tienes que continuar, a pesar de las dificultades por las que estás pasando en entos momentos. Se fuerte y busca el apoyo de tus amigos que son los que te ayudarán a salir adelente, y con el paso del tiempo verás un nuevo panorama para tu vida. Esto no es el fin, sólo un nuevo comienzo.
 
Hi Rob,
I am so sorry to hear about your situation. You didn't mention whether you were married. If so, obviously there will be legalities to be dealt with. I agree with all those here who have advised you to give her some space to deal with her issues. In the meantime you have to protect yourself. If you had a shared bank account you should set up a separate bank account and transfer your portion into it as soon as possible. My son's ex-wife beat him to the punch and cleaned out their account as well as getting the house and child support as well, even though she was the one who had been unfaithful. Family laws are usually skewed to favor the woman. Once you're in a safe condition, take a deep breath. It may take a while to see if there is a possibility of reconciliation. Be patient, but don't be a hermit. Stay active with friends and family; hobbies and interests; work and church. Time doesn't always heal, but it does give us time to develop our coping skills to help make the pain bearable. I'm praying for you brother, and your partner too. God bless.
 
Been there, done that. Opted out of the t-shirt. It was a miserable time of trying to figure out what's wrong with me. Then, I met the Admiral, and we've been married for 45 years. Now I realize that it wasn't just me. I'll be praying for you that you find productive ways to cope with the situation, and that the recovery time will be short. There will always be an empty hole in your heart, but it will get smaller in time.
Vic
 
Dave Stevens (Lumberyard) said:
years ago, i lost my brother him and i were very close. I posted the loss of my brother on the NRG forum because i thought i was among friends. the reply was as you posted what did my personal loss have to do with model ships and the post was removed. That was as hard to take as losing my brother realizing all these guys i personally knew were not my friends.
Here on Ships of Scale it is about building model ships but most of all it is a community of people that share all of life's experiences. i can say without a doubt i have friends here.

so Rob T i feel your loss and we are all here for support feel free to express your feelings we are not robots programed to build ship models we are humans to connect to.
Click to expand...
Well said Dave.
 
Hang tough, compadre. First go around for me lasted 6 years. After 4 years, met the real love of my life and been married to her for 44 years. Hard to see the future, but this may be the best for you. Someone who would dump you after all those years w/o explanation shouldn’t be chased after. Didn’t work for me, probably not for you. Get out and about!
 
God will allow hardship and challenges and need—and sometimes even tragedy—so that He can reveal Himself to us and put His power and glory on display. He allows things to happen in our lives so we will turn to Him in prayer. We usually regard prayer as a last resort: "Well, I’ve called all my contacts. I’ve pretty much done everything I can do. . . . So I guess all I can do now is pray."

In reality, the first thing we should do is pray and ask the Lord for His help, His direction, and even His provision. We need God’s help—that is why we pray. When we see our own weakness, we have a greater glimpse of the strength of God.

As someone wisely said, “If you are swept off your feet, it’s time to get on your knees.”

...henry
 
Zzyzx01 said:
God will allow hardship and challenges and need—and sometimes even tragedy—so that He can reveal Himself to us and put His power and glory on display. He allows things to happen in our lives so we will turn to Him in prayer. We usually regard prayer as a last resort: "Well, I’ve called all my contacts. I’ve pretty much done everything I can do. . . . So I guess all I can do now is pray."

In reality, the first thing we should do is pray and ask the Lord for His help, His direction, and even His provision. We need God’s help—that is why we pray. When we see our own weakness, we have a greater glimpse of the strength of God.

As someone wisely said, “If you are swept off your feet, it’s time to get on your knees.”

...henry
Click to expand...
Amen
 
Rob, sorry to hear your news. As others have said, we all faced situations as you now face and have felt the same. I cannot begin to advise or comment on your particulars as none of us know the intimate details of your relationship. However, your question or statement was "I just don't see what the point of my life is now"......and this is what I would like to address.

Your life and future are the most valuable gifts a man can have. Everything must be taken in context. How many guys will receive the news today that they have terminal cancer? How many guys are sitting in a Doctor's office right now, would give anything to switch places with you? I'm not trying to minimize your pain and suffering...they are real and you have every right to feel the pain.

However, the point of your life is to make the most of what God or creation has given you. You only get one shot at this thing called life and then it's over. There are no mulligans or do overs. Your life can have purpose and meaning.....it's your choice. You are not a victim. You have been dealt a gut wrenching punch in the gut....but you will survive. You get up in the morning, put on your clothes, and you take one day at a time.

Look at the possibilities!!! You have freedom, you have opportunities, you are alive and hopefully in good health. Who knows what could be just around the corner for you. A wise man said, "a person must be happy with himself before he can make others happy". And finally, you cannot let your happiness and self worth be dependent upon another.

You've taken a hell of a blow.....take a moment to reflect....and now let's move forward......you have a wonderful life full of possibilities out there waiting for you...and I promise you..... you are a hell of a lot wiser now than the first time around.

Keep us posted....I think there are some exciting times ahead for you.
 
Just hang in there and place your trust into God's hands. Keep the faith!!
Visit family and friends, travel, keep yourself busy, volunteer, make some new friends and have some fun.
Try not to dwell on the past or what you could have or should have done differently.
Think positively and move FORWARD with your life.
Find a model that is easy to build and work on it.
Get some air and go outside and enjoy the summer weather.
Take walks or jog a bit if you can. Keep your body moving and don't sit around and mope.
Go to the gym and work the muscles, hit the Sunna and then go for a refreshing swim.
Go to the beach and enjoy the sun, air and natures natural and two legged scenery.
If you own a home, get some of the chores done that you've been putting off for ages.
Plant some flowers of your liking and tend to them.
Just keep busy and again remember to place your trust in God's hands.
 
Hi Rob T,
As you can see even in the electronic virtual world of this forum there are many people who care about you and are certain your future life will be worth living.
Please take these offerings of friendship consolation and encouragement to aid you in your recovery.
Stay strong and please keep us informed of your progress and activity, regardless of whether it is related to ship modeling.
Michael
 
Chestcutter said:
Hi Rob T,
As you can see even in the electronic virtual world of this forum there are many people who care about you and are certain your future life will be worth living.
Please take these offerings of friendship consolation and encouragement to aid you in your recovery.
Stay strong and please keep us informed of your progress and activity, regardless of whether it is related to ship modeling.
Michael
Click to expand...
Amen!
 
Coraggio. Dimentica te stesso e la nostalgia del passato. Incontra gente e apriti a nuove relazioni con sincera attenzione. Auguri di serenità

Coraggio. I think of you too, and the nostalgia of the past. Meet people and start new relationships with sincere attention. Appreciation of serenity
 
Last edited by a moderator:
Hi Everyone

I am overwhelmed by all your comforting heartfelt comments and can't thank you all enough for them.
I am just now beginning to cope and adjust very slowly after a 2months doctors line, antidepressants and counselling not to mention losing a job.
As for the relationship nothing has changed and probably won't as there has still been no contact or reasons why this happened or could have been talked through and avoided.

I am only now doing small bits and pieces regards to my ship building sometimes atm I can only maybe work on it for 30mins or so then the impetus goes but I do feel the hunger coming bk albeit slowly. I now start a new job as well in a week or so.
Small steps just now but getting there, and more mentally stronger than I was.

Thank you again Everyone for your heartfelt words I really appreciate them all.

Rob.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top